Math Lessons that are a sign of our times:

NAME____________________

GANG/CREW NAME____________________

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1. Lajames has an AK-47 with a 200-round clip. He usually misses 6 of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shootin. How many mofos can Lajames ice on a drive-by before he gotta reload?

2. Leroy has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what be the street value of the rest of his shit?

3. Dwayne pimps 3 ho's. If the price be $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Dwayne's $800 per day Crack habit?

4. Raul wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to gets the 20% upside?

5. Ray-Ray gets $2000 for a stolen BMW, $1500 for stealing a Corvette, and $1000 for a 4 x 4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4's, how many more Corvettes must he steal to make the 10k for his brother's bail?

6. Pedro got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?

7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with three 8 oz. Cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over?

8. Tyrone knocked up 4 girls in the gang. There be 20 girls in his gang. What be the percentage of bitches Tyrone knocked up?

9. Lafawnda is a lookout for the gang. Lafawnda also has a Boa Constrictor that eats 5 rats per week and a cost of $5 per rat. If Lafawnda makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can she feed her snake with one week's income?

10. Marvin steals Juan's skateboard. As Marvin skates away at 15mph, Juan loads his 357 Magnum piece. If it takes Juan 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Marvin be when he gets whacked?

Ever get any of those annoying ‘chain’ emails?

Here’s one that REALLY works:

.oooO  
  (      )   Oooo.  
   \    (    (      )  
     \__)    )    /  
              (__/        

Many people will walk in and out of your life but only a true friend will leave footprints on your computer!

Forward this message to 8 other people ...... and you will get ......

F..k all!

That's right! F..k all!

You won't get good luck or a nice surprise, 5 grand or a f..king holiday in Jamaica, just F..k all!

It's true!

It really works!

I sent it and I got ........ F..k all!

Don't break the chain!

It's the only one of these things that actually works!

So send it and get F..k all!

It's brilliant!

Plunkett & Macleane (1999):

Jonny Lee Miller and Robert Carlyle, as Will Plunkett and Captain James Macleane, who find their calling as highwaymen in the 18th century England.

With strong support from a great cast including Liv Tyler, Michael Gambon and Ken Stott.
Those looking for deep, historical drama will not find it here.

Instead, this is just a thoroughly enjoyable, laugh-a-minute, adventure.

And there’s nothing wrong with that.

My favorite part, when Jonny Lee Miller brandishes his guns, still riding high on the thrill of their last robbery, and exalts:

“Still, I was fabulous, and it was a bloody good laugh!”

God Hates Us All, by Hank Moody:

A fictional novel that has now become real thanks to the success of Showtime’s brilliantly wry TV comedy-drama series, Californication. For me, this show has come like a breath of fresh air after the multitude of lame, tame, politically correct, sanitized garbage they churn out every year. In the series, the hard-drinking, chain-smoking, substance-abusing, hedonistic, Hank Moody, played by David Duchovny, wrote God Hates Us All. He laments at the movie studios churning it out as yet-another vacuous, soul-less, FUBAR rom-com entitled: A Crazy Little Thing Called Love. It’s easy to imagine Hank Moody as the narrator, recalling as fiction how he dropped out of college and into drug dealing, a decision that leads him floundering through a similar misadventure that might have befallen Hank Moody, particularly during his encounters with his drug-addicted and unstable ex-girlfriend. They yearn for a supposed nirvana modelling the self-destructive relationship of punk rock’s version of Romeo & Juliet: Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen , making several references to the movie Sid & Nancy as it’s the only title they have in their collection to watch. The characters are fighting a losing battle as they struggle to remain in that care-free life-style, knowing deep down they’ll ultimately lose and be forced to conform and face growing old like everyone else. An unusual book to read as it’s been based on fiction within fiction. Nowhere near as funny or well-written as the series script, but still a fast and enjoyable read if you’re a fan of the show.

The Choirboys, by Joseph Wambaugh:

In 1975, a police unit working the night watch in Los Angeles indulges in off-duty drunken hedonistic orgies. For them, the ‘choir practice’ sessions are a coping mechanism, a way to vent and let off steam to keep from exploding from the pressures of their job and the world around them. They work hard and play even harder, until caution is thrown to the wind one time too many, resulting in a tragedy that brings them all down.
These cops are not the ‘white nights in blue’ of so many clichéd TV shows. These are all-too human, with all the faults, weaknesses and character flaws they have to contend with as they fight both the criminals on the street and the bureaucratic hierarchy they work for and gripe about in private. This is one of the best police-themed novels in that it describes the effect police work has on the officers. Maybe once idealistic, these officers are now embittered and disillusioned and just struggle to make it through the day like everyone else.
Written by a seasoned former police officer, the characters and situations described throughout this novel have an authentic feel about them. By turns harrowing and hilarious, with characters you can both laugh with and loathe in equal measure, this remains one of the author’s best works.