Math Lessons that are a sign of our times:

NAME____________________

GANG/CREW NAME____________________

CRIB____________________


1. Lajames has an AK-47 with a 200-round clip. He usually misses 6 of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shootin. How many mofos can Lajames ice on a drive-by before he gotta reload?

2. Leroy has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what be the street value of the rest of his shit?

3. Dwayne pimps 3 ho's. If the price be $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Dwayne's $800 per day Crack habit?

4. Raul wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to gets the 20% upside?

5. Ray-Ray gets $2000 for a stolen BMW, $1500 for stealing a Corvette, and $1000 for a 4 x 4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4's, how many more Corvettes must he steal to make the 10k for his brother's bail?

6. Pedro got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?

7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with three 8 oz. Cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over?

8. Tyrone knocked up 4 girls in the gang. There be 20 girls in his gang. What be the percentage of bitches Tyrone knocked up?

9. Lafawnda is a lookout for the gang. Lafawnda also has a Boa Constrictor that eats 5 rats per week and a cost of $5 per rat. If Lafawnda makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can she feed her snake with one week's income?

10. Marvin steals Juan's skateboard. As Marvin skates away at 15mph, Juan loads his 357 Magnum piece. If it takes Juan 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Marvin be when he gets whacked?

Ever get any of those annoying ‘chain’ emails?

Here’s one that REALLY works:

.oooO  
  (      )   Oooo.  
   \    (    (      )  
     \__)    )    /  
              (__/        

Many people will walk in and out of your life but only a true friend will leave footprints on your computer!

Forward this message to 8 other people ...... and you will get ......

F..k all!

That's right! F..k all!

You won't get good luck or a nice surprise, 5 grand or a f..king holiday in Jamaica, just F..k all!

It's true!

It really works!

I sent it and I got ........ F..k all!

Don't break the chain!

It's the only one of these things that actually works!

So send it and get F..k all!

It's brilliant!

If I were a computer ...

Even pets like to act out scenes from their favorite movies:

Pretending to be Indiana Jones [Harrison Ford], in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade [1989]:

[reaching for the Grail] “I can get it. I can almost reach it ...”

Coffee ... before and after:

ATTENTION ALL DOGS!!!

THE FOLLOWING ARE IMPORTANT INSTRUCTIONS FOR EVERY DOG TO KNOW.

Instructions for properly hugging a baby.

1. First, spy a baby.

2. Second, be sure that the object you spied was indeed a baby by employing classic sniffing techniques. If you smell baby powder and the wonderful aroma of wet diapers this is indeed a baby.

3. Next you will need to flatten the baby before actually beginning the hugging process.

*****NOTE: The added slobber should help in future steps by making the "paw slide" easier.

4. The "paw slide": simply slide paws around baby and prepare for possible close-up.

5. Finally, if a camera is present, you will need to execute the difficult and patented "hug, smile, and lean" so as to achieve the best photo quality.

Dogs, if this is properly done, it will secure you a warm, dry, climate-controlled environment for the rest of your life.

God Bless to all of you!

– Author Unknown.

Batman & Coffee ...

Did I read that sign right?

In an office:

TOILET OUT OF ORDER.PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.

In a Laundromat:

AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.

In a London department store:

BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS.

In an office:

WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.

In an office:

AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.

Outside a secondhand shop:

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:

CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS.

Spotted in a safari park:

ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR.

Seen during a conference:

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR.

Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

On a repair shop door:

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

Do you mind? ... I'm reading here!

We all need to take a break once in a while ...

So, ... How's your day going?

Thank you letter from an old lady ... joke

This is another email funny that goes around every now and again.

I wish I knew the author so I can look up their other work.

Makes me laugh every time ...

Thank you letter from an old lady:

Dear School,

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens luncheon.

I am 84 years old and live at a home for the Aged.

All of my family has passed away.

I am all alone now and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me.

God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.

My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio, but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.

The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of pieces.

It was awful and she was in tears.

Her distress over the broken radio touched me and I knew this was God's way of answering my prayers.

She asked if she could listen to mine.

I told her to fuck off.

Edna.